10:34 PM

So here I sit. I originally came to the laptop to look up some study materials for my classes this week. Where do I find myself instead of Blackboard???

Facebook, mostly. Although some smattering of looking at the blogs I keep up with also occurs.

And that's just the way I roll. I get distracted, and I get behind. I forget to do things, and procrastinate, and don't do other things.

This is absolutely one of the many reasons I find myself with this desire. A desire to sit down, read my Bible, and learn something. To not only read for the sake of my "to do list" or to check it off and feel good about myself for the rest of the day. But because I haven't done it on a regular basis, and because I am a Christian, with a true desire to be closer to God, I desire to be in His word.

I find myself at this very moment kicking myself for blogging about this, instead of doing something about it.
I am married to a future pastor, and I don't even read my Bible on a regular basis, I truly am a hypocrite. I am a professing Christian, who talks about missions, and how I can minister, and I don't even minister to my own spirit.

I am in trouble. And I desperately need prayer.

I also need to ensure that my schoolwork doesn't come before the time I should be spending with God.

I think the biggest reason I don't read my Bible is because I'm not really sure how to read in such a way that I get anything out of it.

This year I am president of the Biology Club, and in one of the other clubs I was in last year our president brought a "devotion" at every meeting we had. I want to be that kind of president. The one who doesn't care that half the time I sat there wishing we could "get on with it" or that wants to bring the members of the club to a deeper understanding of how God works in us.

My heart is crying out for God and for His word, and I don't understand why I haven't answered until now.

Hey There Married lady!

Well here it is, my senior year at school! May I just take a moment to say,

WHOOOOO - HOOOO!!!!!

I'm so glad that this phase of my life is almost over!!! But on the other hand, I will miss this time. I seriously cannot believe it is so close to the end.

I will say though I have heard a few things over and over that I am not sure I will ever get tired of...
The first is "Hey married lady!" or some variation of this phrase, and I love answering to this. I never get tired of people congratulating me, or asking to see my RINGS, and I'm so glad that I am married and can show people how blessed me and my wonderful husband are!

And most of the time, after I hear "hey married lady!" It is followed by "How's married life?"
Whitfield typically gives the answer of "Way better than the single life!" Which is absolutely true, I typically give a little bit more detailed answer, but here's the whole story....

Married life is AMAZING. It's not always fun and games, but the honest truth is that I love it completely and wholeheartedly. I like coming home and putting groceries away, and figuring out the best way to organize our little apartment. I enjoy having someone talk to me while I'm taking a shower, or watching Whitfield gargle mouthwash and try not to laugh at the dog so he doesn't spit everywhere. I can't wait for Whitfield to come home so I can tackle him with kisses, and tell him all about my day, and show him what I've cooked for him.
I will say, Whitfield is my best friend in the whole world. He and I joke around and laugh together and pick on each other. Just today he was taking a shower and I leaned in for a kiss, and he grabbed me around the waist (soaking wet) and kissed me, getting my whole face and shirt wet in the process. And I laughed after pestering him back!
I seriously can't believe that I have found him. My husband. The man whose rib God placed in me. Just the way our humor matches, and how he makes me smile in a way no one else does. The special smile he only smiles for me, the way he will leave his hair product-free because I like it better that way. I just love all of it.

Although with every good thing there are bad things too, and there are parts of married life I don't like. Dealing with bills, washing dishes, cleaning the apartment, all things I don't always enjoy. But compared to the joy of being one flesh with the man I was made for, they are minuscule sad points.

So for anyone who asks me "how's married life?" There's your answer!

and you take me the way I am....

I have been thinking about this all night, because last night was kind of rough.

Here's the gist of it, Whitfield and I have been married three months now, and I still have thank you's to get out. I know I'm a slacker, and I have never said otherwise! Whitfield and I were invited to a family gathering at his granny's house and I haven't yet given her the thank you I owe her. Now Granny is a classic southern belle, and very concerned with etiquette. So I am not in her favor right now, and she let me know it. The whole evening was very tense and I left feeling like a complete loser.

I came home and being the emotional person that I am, I sat in Whitfield's arms and cried.

Whitfield and I had some really good talking time, and he cheered me up by being his sweet goofy self (which I love). After that we watched a TV show or two and then went to bed, where we talked about a few issues and sensitivities I'd been feeling.

My darling husband made me cry some more with his amazing level of understanding. He listened, he hugged me, he told me the things I wanted to know, and not just the things I wanted to hear. He is not a typical man, and I love him more than I could ever express.
And as I went to sleep, and even when I woke up this morning, I had a song stuck in my head.
It is called "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michelson. A simple, sweet song, whose chorus changes, but the end chorus is this;

"I love you more than I could ever promise,
And you take me the way I am"

This just struck me last night as I was almost asleep because I don't deserve someone to love me, to listen to me, to be my shoulder to cry on. I have days where everything is golden, but there are also many days when I get angry for no true reason. I am hormonal (simply because I am a woman) and I have days when I get a little depressed. Whitfield takes me the way I am. He loves me when I am upset, or mad, when I feel depressed, when I don't make any sense. He loves me when I am crazy, and goofy, and laughing up a storm. Whitfield obviously expects some things from me, but at the same time he doesn't ask for much. He shows me that I am loved just the way I am, and it really reminds me that Whitfield is the example of a greater love for me.

See, I am accepted by a Higher Power. Not some vague, enigma of a spiritual being, but a God who is my Father, who has been there for me when I needed Him. Who listens to me, who helps me and who loves me. He wants me to love Him, to be His. He desperately desires to be my lover, to be my soul's fulfillment, and not only does He do all that, but He has blessed me with a living, breathing example of His love and acceptance here on earth.

I can't even begin to explain the affect the last three months have had on me. Being married to Whitfield has been the best and most enlightening experience of my life and I can't wait to see how much the next 75+ years will go by (Whitfield and I are shooting for at least our 75th wedding anniversary, it's one of our little jokes :)

I love him. More than I think he could know.

Reflections on my Summer

As the title suggests, I have some things to say.

Reflect back to the confessions blog.
I told Whitfield about how I was feeling, because I want our marriage to be an awesome and honest relationship, and talking is a big part of that.

My husband is a very smart, and wise man. He pointed out that being from a large family (six kids, although the youngest two weren't born when I was growing up), I am used to being around people and after growing up with so much going on, I've become a very social person. I knew I was a social butterfly, but I never thought of it like that.

This being the first summer that I haven't taken summer school, and my best friend being away in Montana all summer, I've missed the people I've gotten so close to, and being around people in general. Don't get me wrong, this summer being just me and Whitfield has been amazing! Just the two of us learning how to be married and together is really a great experience!
But I miss everyone else. It kinda sounds bad to me, and I know that after college is over, I'll have to deal with all these feelings again, but I am kind of thankful that I have this last school year to put it off.

So the summer being married. Wow. There has been so much that I have vastly enjoyed, besides the obvious ;) I love getting to fall asleep next to the man I love. Sometimes I don't really like to, but in the end, I like to cook dinner for him, and even clean or wash dishes. He is a great husband, complimenting my cooking, and thanking me for cleaning.
Basically, I'm a spoiled rotten wife! He's absolutely amazing. When I wake up in my sweatpants and his undershirt, he welcomes me to the day by kissing me on the lips or cheek and saying "good morning, beautiful!"
There is nothing that I care about more than that wonderful, handsome, kindhearted, adorable man. I can't believe I've been blessed so immensely to have him in my life. I'm more thankful for him every single day that I get to spend with him. I honestly can't rave about him enough!

I am glad that I spent the summer alone with Whitfield. It helped us learn a lot about our new life together.
It also has taught me a lot about things I need to work out in myself.
All in all, it has been a very enlightening summer!

Goals for Senior year!

This blog is mainly so that I can get my ideas and goals for my last year of my undergrad at NGU out there to hold me accountable.
I'm stoked to be going into my senior year for many, many reasons, so here goes a few!
1) I'M ALMOST DONE WITH COLLEGE!!!!
2) I get to be the President of the Biology club!
3) New classes, new professors!
4) I get to be back with all my friends!

So here come the goals. Most of them have to do with numbers 2, 3, and 4. :)

I have a lot of plans for the Biology club. I have been an involved member for the last two years (although I did buy a t-shirt the first year), and I am so excited about being the president. I appreciate being a leader, and I really relish the chance to get to bring some new ideas and stuff to the floor.
The first thing I'd really like to do is to start out the meetings with a "devotion" and prayer. It always has been opened with prayer, but not always with a devotion. I don't really like the word "devotion" because everyone thinks some little dinky cliche "do your best for Jesus" speech, but I really want to bring something deeper to the group. That is the biggest goal I have. I have been praying about what to bring for the first meeting especially because I don't want it to be cliche.

New classes; I have always had goals for every new semester, mostly because of my grades. I tend to be scraping the 3.0 line and I'm a pretty solid B student, and this year (being my last), I want to be an A student. I want to prove to myself that I can do this and I want to know more, and be a more knowledgeable person and to well-prepared for the next step in my life aka grad school!!!

And the last goal has a little bit to do with number 2 and 4.
I want to meet new people, but most of all, I want to cultivate my friendships.
I have missed my friends this summer, for many reasons (which are going to be described in a new blog), and I don't want to be a simple blip in someone's life. I have many friends, but mostly I want to get to know the people I do know, a lot better. I want to be closer, and to stay connected with people after we graduate. I don't want to forget, and I want to be a better friend.

But the most important goal of all, is that I want to get closer to God. I feel a little like Paul in that I know the things I should do, and I don't do them. I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty sure Paul felt like dirt when he didn't obey God just like I do.
I want to be remembered for something. And if I can pick why, I don't want to be remembered for being a B student, or for being the bio club president. I don't want to be the girl who was married her senior year, or anything else.
I want to be remembered for being a Christian. For loving God and showing it by how much I loved people.

So those are my main goals.
Out there for the world to see, and for me to live up to. Be praying for me if you get the chance, I'm definitely not sure how this year is going to turn out... :)