Confession time

I have something to admit. It's not something that I like to talk about and honestly I wish it wasn't true, but here it is. Don't get yourself all worked up though, to most people it's probably no big deal!

Whitfield and I had been talking about getting married for a while before we were actually engaged, so we had a lot of the major things worked out already. Even the timing of when our wedding would be was tentatively decided. It was planned in a few days shy of three months and on the actual day of, and the weeks thereafter, I was thrilled with everything, and the way it had happened.

Now, after two months, I'm having issues coming to grips with the fact that it is over and I can't change any of it.
I have seen pictures from several other weddings and I keep thinking of things I would have changed had I known and I'm thinking to myself now was the whole 3 month engagement the right way to go?
No doubts about Whitfield or about getting married to him whatsoever. It's just that this was the one day in my life that I'd dreamed about since I was little, and I am wondering if I did it all right.
I feel sad that I've built up that one day so much and now it's over.
I have to pin the nail on the head and say that I am jealous of some of the other weddings I've been to. They had a larger budget so they could have a nicer reception, or better food, or they were more organized, or they had pics I wish I'd taken, and I HATE it. Even worse, I feel jealous of other newlywed couples who have more money than us and can do things like go to the beach, or simply have their own home.
I feel hypocritical and like I've let Whitfield down for feeling this way. Even worse, I feel like I've let God down. And I would like to apologize.
If anyone reads my blog, please pray that I get over this. And that I remember the joy and ecstasy of my wedding day every time I feel this way. I love my husband with all that I have and I wouldn't trade marrying him for anything in this whole world. I just have days when I forget the wonderful wedding I had, and the blessings God has given us and I feel down.
And I just need to stop.

Thank you for listening, to whoever is out there.