Another cloth diaper post!

This is a picture of my "stash" of cloth diapers. Almost all the diapers I own are in this picture!

So here's everything. And boy does it seem like a lot!  Here are the detailed kinds I have...

3 work at home mom (aka WAHM) pocket diapers made by yours truly! I have one other one not made by me that isn't shown here. It was in the drawer...

5 total Bumgenius 3.0s and 4.0s. I have one more in green, but it was on the baby's butt at the time of pictures. The top left one is in the process of being converted from velcro to snaps.

3 WAHM fitted diapers. These need covers, but all the absorbency is sewn into the diaper. This one I JUST finished before I took the pictures. There's another one in the process of being sewn, but the baby was waking up while I was sewing so I stopped. I also have two more that were made by another mom. 

21 infant prefolds, 11 red-thread osocozy prefolds, and one thirsties prefold. I dyed the colored ones just because I wanted fun colors! 

3 flat diapers. Technically, these are flour sack towels from Target. I dyed the colored towels here also.

12 Alva diapers. Two aren't pictured, one of those is camo, and the other is a blue dotted monkey print. These are all OS (one-size) pocket diapers.

And almost all of my covers. All are OS except for the Prowraps.

2 WAHM covers (blue one was made by me), 4 Econobum covers (blue trimmed one was in the laundry), 1 Flip cover, and 9 Prowrap size small covers. I added snaps to the rise of some of the prowrap covers because they didn't fit my Butterbean when we first started using cloth. Now they fit great! 

Also not pictured are 2 Fuzzibunz elite OS diapers. I left them in the drawer. I am not the biggest fan of how they fit on my Butterbean, so they don't get used much. 

But yeah, there's everything! I do laundry every 3 days or so. So for instance, I did laundry today (Saturday), and I won't have to do laundry again until Wednesday most likely. Unless that baby decides to be extra dirty. :)

A day in cloth diapers!

It all started when my sister was pregnant and told me about cloth diapers. I thought she was a little nuts, but after hearing all about them from her we decided to go to a class together about them.

After that I was sold. SOLD. 

We started using the cloth diapers the week Butterbean turned 3 weeks old, which is pretty soon for a lot of reasons. Many moms wait until the baby is at least 8 or 9 lbs because "one-size" diapers (discussed later) don't fit well on little tiny newborns. Butterbean was born at a pretty substantial 7lbs, 13 oz, and by 3 weeks old she was 8.5 lbs. So they fit her okay at that point. 

With the next baby I plan to make my own newborn sized diapers for use from 6lbs to about 10 lbs. They'll fit better and we can start using cloth right away! 

I use two different diaper styles mainly, although there are a total of about 6 different types of diapers with about 100 different brands. I mix brands a lot, I've tried a little bit of everything, but these two kinds work best for me. Although I'm learning to love some new styles too! 

The kinds I like the most are pocket diapers. They're a waterproof outer layer, and a soft, generally "stay-dry" or wicking fabric inner layer (meaning that it sucks moisture away from the baby's skin) and an absorbent insert goes into the pocket created by these two diapers. So if you have a heavy wetter, you can put an extra insert in the diaper, or if you have a little tiny baby, you can use just one insert. It's pretty neat. And when I wash the diapers, I pull the insert out (or shake it into my pail), so the diaper dries REALLY fast. About an hour if it's on the clothesline, or 2 hours if I hang it inside the house. But we'll discuss the washing a little later. 

The other style of diaper I use a lot are prefolds and covers. Prefolds are called that because they are "prefolded" into a rectangle. The middle third of the diaper has extra absorbency, normally accomplished by stitching in extra layers of absorbent material. 

It's pretty cool. Then I put a waterproof cover on the outside to keep any wetness in and off my baby's clothes. 

It's really very nifty. I don't carry these out of the house a lot because they take up a TON of space in my diaper bag. The pocket diapers I can stuff ahead of time and throw a few in the bag and we're good to go! 

So here's the day. 

I didn't get the first change, but she was in a pocket diaper for overnight (she'll sleep about 5 hours at a time, and the prefold would get SOAKED in that amount of time, so I put her in a pocket instead with an extra insert). Dear husband gets up a little earlier than I do and he changes the first diaper and sits and plays with butterbean until she starts to get hungry, then he comes and gets me. 

First, let me show off the cute red diaper I made for Butterbean! That's right, stitched it myself. I made this one with velcro for use in the church nursery. I find that snaps seem to intimidate the nursery workers who are unfamiliar with cloth diapers, so this solves that problem. Velcro is pretty foolproof.

This is what is called a "one-size" diaper. Above is the diaper on the smallest setting. The snaps on the rise of the diaper (the orange and blueish snaps) can shorten or elongate the rise as needed. So when she gets bigger, instead of the cover becoming too short, I can simply unsnap one row of snaps and we can keep using it! Saves a ton of money! The alternative is to buy covers for specific weight ranges and as the baby grows, you buy new covers. I like this method, as I said, it saves money!

Below: the largest setting. 

 Change 1: She was already in this when I got up, so here's what Hubby changed her into, a green prefold (I dyed this one this color, it was originally a beige color because it was unbleached) with a snappi (the white thing) to keep it in place, and her blue-trimmed Econobum cover. I really like this cover. It's just the waterproof outer material, which is commonly a fabric known as PUL or polyurethane laminate. Knit fabric is bonded to a breathable rubbery film (the laminate part of PUL) and then that fabric can be used to make diapers and all kinds of other things! It's pretty amazing. No plastic pants here!

I also should mention, that unless poop gets on the cover, I lay the cover on the edge of the changing table here, and let it air dry, then I'll use it again. So it saves me time for washing the diapers also! Here's what the cover looks like. 

 Change 2! Using a Bumgenius 4.0 pocket diaper another one-size diaper. On the left of this picture you can see a little bit of the insert peeking out of the pocket. I can either pull that out when soiled, or I can just shake the diaper and it will fall out. Although shaking it can be messy if Butterbean has pooped. So most of the time I just pull the insert out. And then go wash my hands thoroughly.

 And here it is on my lovely model!

Change 3: I decided to switch it up and use a flat diaper. So named because it is literally a large flat square (30"x30") of fabric you fold various ways. This is the most versatile style of diaper because it seriously will fit any size baby. Newborn to potty training, although I find that I need a little extra absorbency, so I have shown a microfiber insert on the flat diaper. I actually folded the insert into the flat diaper, though. NEVER have microfiber sit directly against baby's skin, or it will leave a burn-type rash. The microfiber is so absorbent it will actually pull moisture out of the skin. So this is just for illustrative purposes! Oh, and this is an "origami" fold. I had to look it up on youtube, but once I saw how to do it, it's SO EASY.
And this is technically a flour sack towel I bought from Target. But it works the same.

 And actually on the butt. She was not liking the flash, but it got too cloudy to turn the flash off. So sorry kiddo!

 This is the last time this cover will fit on her, it is a sized cover, meaning it will not adjust on the rise of the diaper (no snaps, see?). Her little chunky legs were getting squished by the elastic. It's just too small. I'm not sad. This cover was one I bought used, and made by a mom and this cover snaps on the side.

 See how the adjusting snaps are on the sides of the diaper as opposed to the front of the diaper? Some people love it, some don't. I'm in the latter camp. But I love the superman print so I'll keep this diaper around for future kiddos. But the side snaps just bother me. I find that it looks a little more bulky on her.

Speaking of bulk, you may ask, "can they wear normal pants?" Yes. My baby can wear normal baby sized pants over her cloth diapers with no problems! And our diapers aren't even the trimmest diapers! She easily fits into everyday clothes, and think about it, most baby items are stretchy. So they'll stretch to accommodate the extra bulk of the cloth diapers.    

And I missed a change, my mother-in-law stopped by and I had to change her out of the flat diaper. But you didn't miss much, I changed her back into a prefold and since the Econobum cover was still good I put that back on her.
Change 5 (since we skipped pics for one): Into an Alva pocket diaper. I love these diapers. They're pretty cheap, but still good quality. They come from china which is why they're so inexpensive. You can get them here in the states too, but only online. Pockets are a little different though, once they're soiled (urine or poop) they have to be washed. You can't simply change the insert and go. So a little more washing, and when they are dry you have to stuff an insert in them, so it's a minutely small amount of more work.

 

Here you can see the snaps in between her legs. Those are the rise snaps. Different brands will have different numbers of snaps. This brand has three snaps across, and three different levels of adjustment. She's on the smallest adjustment here. 

A little about my setup.
Here's my changing table/ pail. I use a dry pail (meaning the diapers don't soak in water or something in the pail. Not recommended because standing water is a hazard to small children).
The top shelf has extra inserts, and the wipes container has my wet cloth wipes. I just get about 10 wet and put them in the container, then when it's empty I refill with more wipes (which are in the basket on the second shelf). The wipes are cloth too, and all I do is throw them in the pail with the diapers!
The bottom shelf has burpcloths in it. Easily accessible.
My pail is open which you'd think would be more stinky, but it's really not. Until I dump the diapers into the washing machine, I don't EVER smell dirty diapers. Unless I get really close to the pail, and I just don't do that.

 Top drawer has my pockets/covers. I stuff my pockets before I put them in here, so they're ready to go when I need them!

 Second drawer has my prefolds. I used to fold them and put them in the drawer, but decided that was silly, and now I just stack them in the drawer. The pink/blue items are my other flats. I dyed these also.

 And the bottom drawer has my handmade inserts and gerber prefolds. Let me say something right now. Gerber prefolds are NOT good prefolds. Cut one open sometime and you'll find poly fill, stuffing in other terms, in the middle. Stuffing is not very absorbent in case you weren't aware! Real, quality prefolds (such as those from cottonbabies.com or brands like osocozy) have several stacked layers of fabric in the middle that makes them absorbent. Huge difference. I use my Gerber prefolds on the changing table in case baby makes a mess before I can get the diaper on her. But seriously, they're not worth much. I plan to turn some of mine into swiffer cloths for my wetjet!

And a word about washing diapers. I currently will throw all my diapers in the wash (with the amount I have I can go about 3 days in between washing diapers), put the machine on a regular cycle without any soap, and run it through once. Then I put in my Rockin' Green diaper detergent (only 2 Tbsp does a large load of diapers and they don't smell when they come out!) and run it through a warm wash with a cold rinse. Then I run the washer again on the normal warm wash cycle as an additional rinse. If you skip the last rinse, the detergent can cause irritation and a rash to the sensitive baby skin. 

I typically hang dry my pocket diapers, my covers, and my inserts/prefolds. Although I sometimes throw the prefolds and inserts in the dryer. It is not advised to dry anything made of PUL in the dryer repeatedly. If you do it once or twice it's not going to do much, but repeated drying on high heat will cause the waterproof layer to separate from the fabric and the diaper will be useless. So just a warning! Don't do it! I have some clothesline strung up in my laundry room that I hang the diapers on if it's a rainy day. 

Also, since Butterbean is exclusively breastfed, her poop at this point is completely water soluble. It washes out in the first cycle through the machine. And any stains that may occur come out when I leave the diapers in the sun. 

Once she starts solid food, I'll be investing in a diaper sprayer (little spray nozzle like the one on your sink, but it attaches to the toilet) and then I'll have to spray her poop into the toilet before I throw diapers in the pail or in the wash. But I still have a few months before I have to worry about that. 

 You may wonder if we spend a ton of money on water because I do so much laundry, actually we don't! Our water bill is MAYBE $10 more expensive each month because of the cloth. And our power bill has gone down, so we're not using more electricity either, running the washer or dryer. The water and power that goes into making disposable diapers is WAY more than what those who wash and dry cloth diapers use.

You may also wonder why I do this. Why I don't just throw diapers away like most people. Well, several reasons. The biggest reason is because we truly save money. At this point I don't HAVE to buy any more diapers or wipes. The only recurring cost will be detergent to wash the diapers, although because I use so little it will last me a while! I do still buy diapers though, some of them are just so cute!!! But I don't need any more, and these diapers (if cared for well, which I plan to continue doing) will last me through several more kids. AND on top of that, when I am done using them, I can sell them to make back a portion of my money. You can't do that with disposables!!
Second reason, chemicals. I prefer to limit chemicals on my little one's behind. There are all kinds of chemicals that go into disposable diapers to make them so absorbent and there are even some that are known to cause cancer and infertility. In other countries these chemicals have been removed from the disposable diapers, and some american brands (7th generation, Honest co. diapers for example) have these chemicals removed and are more natural. However, there are still other companies that keep these chemicals in their formulas. Now, I'm not some crazy, crunchy, totally organic mom. I use lysol wipes, and windex for my bathroom like a lot of people, I just figure if I can keep these chemicals away from my children's sensitive parts, why wouldn't I?

And lastly, I do this because it's fun. Yes that's right, it's FUN! Girls, let me ask, why do you wear cute underwear if no one sees it but you? Because it's fun. Because it makes you happy. And that's why I love having cute things on my baby's butt even if they are covered up by clothes most of the time. I mean, hey, if you're going to be changing diapers, you might as well change the baby into cute diapers, right?

And that's it! That's my day in cloth diapers. It's not as hard as most people expect, and I really enjoy it! I hope this helps anyone who is curious about cloth! Feel free to contact me about any questions you may have. I'm certainly not an expert, but I've done a lot of research and I know my stuff! E-mail is amiekp"at"gmail"dot"com. (replace the "at" with "@" and the "dot" with "." this is so that the spam machines can't find my e-mail.)

I hope you've enjoyed this! I know I have! Although it has taken me TWO hours to get this posted!! Goodness gracious. Anonymous reader, that's how much I love you. 

And now the real blogging begins....

I have found that since I have a baby, for some reason I tend to be on the computer much more often, so I will hopefully be better about updating, but we'll see how that goes.
We've *seen* how it's gone in the past...

So a little bit more of the updates.
Since the post announcing my pregnancy, me and my husband (and our two dogs) have moved! We're now located about half an hour away from where we were previously, and let me tell you, the move was crazy.
We found our current house the 21 or so of August, and our landlord at our trailer was going to up the rent the 1st of September. Well we wanted to move anyways so that seemed like a good deadline to move by, and in a week, we had signed papers, packed up our (meager) belongings and moved! We had loads of help from family and friends, which we really needed, because our house was not clean at all. There were multitudes of dead roaches and dirt everywhere, and it looked as if someone had fried chicken in the kitchen and then splashed grease all over the cabinets and counters. It was nasty.
So we cleaned EVERYTHING, and moved all our boxes in on Wednesday, cleaned more on Thursday, let off some bug bombs, and spent the night at our friends' house on Thursday, and then I came back and unpacked.

Oh, and this was the same week that my sister gave birth (which I had the pleasure and honor of attending), and I was 16 weeks pregnant. That was the longest week of my life!!! Besides the week leading up to my Butterbean's birth, of course. My sister went into labor early Monday morning, called and let me know that it was the real thing around 1 PM Monday afternoon, I went to her house (where she gave birth! So cool!), and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening there with her and her husband, and their midwife until baby N was born at 3:58 AM. Baby N had to be sent to the hospital though, because she had inhaled some meconium while in the womb. That was scary, but she was okay, and it wasn't nearly as bad as the midwife had suspected. But she did have to go in an ambulance and spend 2 days in the hospital. So I didn't get to sleep that night until it wasn't night anymore! I went to sleep about 7 AM and only slept for 3 hours.
Then that day I was packing my house up (read; staying up late packing the last minute items), and then Wednesday was full of moving! It was a long and stressful few days.

Whit and I basically cruised through the remainder of my pregnancy, but his retail job was terrible. Although he worked in the afternoons (so we could both sleep in), he worked until at least 9:15PM and since we'd moved he was even farther from home, and wouldn't get home until around 10.
UNTIL, the pastor of our church offered him a part-time job working for his gold store. They buy gold and silver and give you CASH, but they're not like the cheesy places you see on TV. They have an "A" rating from the BBB, and their scales are actually calibrated once a year by an expert to ensure you get the best price! (Can I work for them too? I can do advertising!!!)
That was great, but then we was working both jobs. And that meant he left at 9:45AM and didn't get home until 10PM.

It was tough for him to be gone all day. And I hated it. I tried to keep myself busy (that's what friends and family are for!!) but I still missed him. And it went on like this for 4 months.

UNTIL, our pastor offered him a full-time position! We knew it was a possibility in the future, but it was dependent on whether they had a spot for him, and we didn't think they would for several more months. It was such a blessing that he was able to get this better job, because once he started working there full time, he worked for only 8 hours a day, and he now gets EVERY Sunday off consistently, and an additional day off every week. He gets home from work at about 6:30, which was very important to me, because I wanted him to be able to spend time with Butterbean before she went to bed at night, and I didn't want to be putting her to bed at 10:30 every night!

And icing on the cake is that now we have health insurance through his work! I was on Medicaid for the duration of my pregnancy, because my parents' health insurance didn't cover me for maternity benefits, so I would have had to pay for EVERYTHING out of pocket and when you see the doctor 17 times it gets pretty expensive.

All in all, we've been extremely blessed. We were provided with the major appliances for our house (most of them for free!), a load of furniture that we never had room for, a wonderful house that (although in the sketchy area of town) has been our home for these last few months (double the space for the same amount we'd been paying before), a well-providing job, working with and for great Christian people, and a beautiful, healthy, baby girl!

God is so good!

My next blog I'll actually get into the nitty-gritty everyday stuff, and I'll stop giving the update-style posts!
Look forward to it!

She's here!

God blessed me with a very easy, run-of-the-mill pregnancy, complete with going past my due date! Our little girl was due February 6th, and didn't arrive until February 19th! Almost 2 weeks late! 

Here's the story!

I was 9 days "overdue" and had set a date to begin induction. Me and my loving husband went to the hospital Thursday (the 16th) to begin Cervadil, a prostaglandin insert. They finally put in the Cervadil after trying to find a vein for an IV. It took them FIVE tries, and me getting nauseous! I was nervous, because if I couldn't handle the silly IV, how was I going to handle going through labor without meds? 

The cervadil was put in around 10:30 PM and I started having mild crampy contractions almost right away. But since I had the Cervadil in, I wasn't allowed to get up and walk around, until I got up and used the restroom before they started the pitocin. So that night was AWFUL, and I didn't really sleep much.

At 6 AM they came in and started me on Pitocin. We started at a low dose, and my doula came in right after they started the drip. The contractions weren't that bad! There wasn't much for my doula to do. We got from a "dimple" cervix, to the nurse being able to put her finger in, to a solid 1 by the time afternoon rolled around. I was disappointed that was only as far as we'd gotten, but tried to stay positive. They had the pitocin on its minimum setting because my body reacted well to it, and much higher and the contractions were coming too quickly and stressing the baby. 

So we keep going and by 7 PM there hasn't been any more progress. We're at a stand still. We decide to turn off the pit, let me eat, and get some sleep, and then start again in the morning. 

I did take some stadol (sp?) to help me sleep because I was still having contractions after they turned off the pitocin. My hubby has a video of me talking because that stuff knocked me out almost immediately and talking through it was HARD!!! But I slept pretty well!

Friday they started me on pitocin at 5 AM, and we started walking, and moving, and trying to stay active. We got all the way to 4 cms by the time noon hit, and they still kept the pit pretty low, it was only set to 2 (and it is often set to like 20 or 30). The contractions started to get more painful, and I had to think about breathing through them. At about noon, my water broke and it was meconium-stained, but Seraphina tolerated the pit-induced contractions REALLY well, and we could watch her "tracing" on the fetal monitor and see that she was okay. We got all the way to 6 cms, but the contractions weren't getting me much farther than that. So the Doctor suggested we put in an intrauterine pressure catheter to see how strong the contractions actually were (it's much more accurate than the machine with the belts since it sits in the uterus and can be zeroed out). It was good that we did, because it revealed that the contractions were about half the strength they needed to be to cause major changes so we upped the pitocin to 3, and then after a few minutes of watching the baby's heartrate, we upped it again to 6. 

The pitocin set to 6 caused contractions without breaks between them and was stressing out the baby, so it was turned down to 5. The doctor suggested we try an epidural to help me relax, but I wasn't sure that was what I wanted to do, so me and my hubby and my doula prayed about it, and decided to keep trying. They had to replace my IV which was LAME. It started to make my hand swell so they had to move it to the other hand. Although they got a smaller needle this time and got it on the first try. I was so relieved. The IV was terrible!

My mantra through the really tough contractions was Philippians 4:13. "I can do all things through Christ Jesus who strengthens me." I started saying it over and over through the really tough contractions, telling myself mentally that if I can make it to the peak, I can make it through the contraction. And I did. But when I was checked again at 9pm, I was still a 6. I was so disappointed, and I decided to try the epidural. Apparently my body needed the threat of the epidural, because I started having REALLY strong contractions over the next hour and a half. When they came to do the epi, I sat through it and that REALLY sucked, then after they placed it, the nurse checked me and would you believe it, I had gotten to NINE cm in one hour! I was SO FRUSTRATED! I was so close to going med-free, so they offered to turn off the epi, and let it wear off. I decided this was what I wanted to do. The epi never really had time to get to my uterus, so I was still feeling contractions, just my backside was numb, and my feet felt like they had fallen asleep. 

So we let the epi wear off. And when the nurse came back in thirty minutes I was a complete 10!!! The baby was only at +1 station though, so I had to "labor the baby down" as the nurses called it. 

Pushing wasn't that fun, but it did help me get through the contractions to have something to do with them. My doula suggested we try a different position or two once I got the feeling back in my legs, and then we rolled over onto my back with my knees in the air to get the baby down further (not flat lithotomy position, but with my back propped up). The nurse felt for the baby and suggested that we move my head down some more to make sure I wasn't pushing the baby towards the rectum, but out the birth canal. So we did that. 

And then we started getting really close! My DH and my doula held my legs for me while I pushed the baby down and my DH held one foot while I actually pushed the baby out. I started getting so excited when they called the doctor in and the room started to fill up with nurses and pediatrics! I knew I was close then! I labored down for about two hours, and actually pushed her out in about an hour! I couldn't believe it when she actually came out! I couldn't believe it was finally over!!! She was covered in meconium, but they didn't have to do anything more than use the suction bulb to get it out of her mouth and nose. The doctor laid her on my chest and I got to see her pretty little face for the first time.

 

 She is so beautiful. She has TONS of dark hair, that I'm hoping doesn't fall out, because it is beautiful. Her eyes are such a dark blue me and DH disagre on what color they actually are, but she'll probably end up with dark brown eyes like I have. 

She weighs 7 lbs, 13 oz, and is 21 inches long! (the ultrasound we had at the beginning of the week said 8lbs 1 oz, so it was pretty close!). She measured at 14.5 inches for head circumference. I LOVED my Doctor. He did his job well, suggesting interventions, but not pressuring me on them, allowing us time to consider everything and giving overall good advice. I'm so thankful that after two days of induction, my little girl is here and doing well! 

 

(The first time Daddy got to hold her.)

I couldn't wait to bring her home!  

I was also very sore! Not in the places you'd expect, but my legs, and my back and my arms even from all the different positions I was in! That was the worst part.  

But in the end, I got the natural childbirth I was hoping for, even though I faltered a little bit. I am so thankful for a healthy baby and to be going home tomorrow!!! And I couldn't have done it without my AWESOME doula and my sweet Husband. They were incredible through the whole thing. 

 

(Our Doula, Angel, with Seraphina!)

 

Going home outfit! 

Updates and Announcements

Well, I'm not a very good blogger, but I'll try to be better!

Updates: I'm a GRADUATE!!! My days at North Greenville are completed, and it feels weird. But also excellent. I can't even imagine my life if I hadn't gone to that school. I had originally planned to either attend tech school to become an RN, or to go to school far away from home and as far away from my comfort zone as possible.

Instead, God sent me to good old NGU, where I met my husband, and some of the best friends I've ever had and will have, including my roommate, whom I wouldn't have known without being assigned to her in Self Hall (such a weird name, but some trustee gave the money, and he had a weird name).

Being a graduate makes me all sentimental! I will NOT miss homework, or tests, but honestly, I will miss being in classes, and learning fascinating subjects like Embryology, or Plant Science (both taught by the amazing Dr. Higgins).

Anyways, in other announcements, My sweet husband and I have changed our plans. We were originally moving to Kentucky for Grad school and Seminary, but upon much prayer and evaluation of the costs of moving, the hardships of school and other issues, we have decided to stay in SC!!! At first I wasn't excited about staying, because I saw this as the opportunity to get out of the comfort of my small town and family next door, to really be out on my own, away from everything I've known all my life.

Upon more prayer and soul-searching, my mind has been changed, and I'm VERY excited to be staying here in town. I would miss my amazing family, and Hubby's family would miss us a TON, and we're both getting geared up for the next steps; new job and new place! Both of which have become essential because we just found out that WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!

I know! Pregnant. A baby. A little baby Whit/ Amie hybrid running around spouting off theological concepts blended with scientific terms. It will be an "epic child" as a friend of mine has said!

Though it was a surprise, My other half and I are incredibly happy!
It may sound crazy, but I've known since I was about 12 that God has placed me on this earth to be a mother. I've always loved babies, I've always wanted my own baby, I've always been the first one to ask to hold the baby in the room, to play with the baby, and babies like me, to the extent that my brother used to call me a "baby stealer" because babies would want me to hold them, play with them, and entertain them.
When my mom had a baby when I was 16, I was over the moon, because now the baby was in my house and besides my mom, no one stood in my way for the baby's affection. Well, besides my dad. But he went to work and I didn't. So I was happy! If my mom wasn't there, and my dad wasn't there, my little sister would come crying to "Mimi" and my day was made.

It was very similar when my little brother was born two years later, except that I was in college, so I wasn't home every day like I was with lil' sis.

But now, the baby will be mine. My dirty diapers to change, my spit-up to clean. My baby to rock to sleep, my smiles to get excited over. My child to hold, to wipe tears, to teach how to talk, to feed, to help, to carry. I almost cry just thinking about it, partly because I am so excited, and partly because the hormones make me cry over anything! Although that is not terribly out of character for me. I have the spiritual gift of tears. Ha!

At this point in time, I crave prayers. Prayers for Whitfield to find a good job that pays more steadily (and more period) than his current job, for us to find a bigger place, with room for baby, and for baby's development. There is a history of miscarriage in my family, and I have bouts of anxiousness where I worry that something is wrong. I've been fine the last several days, and when I do get concerned, I pray. And I do feel reassurance, but I still ask for prayers for my reassurance, and for the baby.

Please keep our little (and growing!) family in your prayers!
Amie

Second half of the Semester

I have a year and a half until I graduate from North Greenville and step out into the "real world."

I'm sitting here in my little apartment, listening to the wind blow the acorns and branches off the trees so that they hit my roof or the ground. It's an odd sound, that I still haven't grown accustomed to, but it is also a reminder that Fall is here.

I like fall!

Anyways, we have just come back from our Fall Break from school and finished a shortened week, and yesterday was a little rough. The question of "where have you applied?" "How'd you do on your (insert major test to get into post-undergrad program)?" "Have you heard back from (insert school you told someone you applied to)?"
My husband is planning to apply to Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, in Kentucky, and because I won't be able to finish all the pre-requisites to apply to a PA program, I will be taking a year off and taking classes, and the Graduate Record Exam (GRE) to get into the PA program at University of Kentucky.

Save Now

I hope this all works out, and honestly, even though at first I wasn't so sure I would want to move to Kentucky, at this point, I've more than just wrapped my head around it, I've started to get excited about it! Although I'm sure when next summer comes around and we are planning to move and all, it will seem a lot scarier, but I'm still really excited about what God has in store for us!!!

So this week coming up is homecoming. And although there will be something to do EVERY single night of the week, and I have a huge Senior Seminar paper to write, I'm getting really excited! Being Biology Club President, I have a responsibility to get the club excited and motivated and to try our best.
I'm really glad that Biology Club isn't doing this by ourselves. We've combined with both the Psychology Club, and the Health and Wellness Club as well as anyone in the science dept. who wants to participate.

I'm also the most excited that I was voted to be the Science Club Representative for Homecoming. I get to be on the Homecoming Court, and even potentially Homecoming Queen. :) Eeep! Although I REALLY want to win, I am also excited to get ot know the girls who are running with me, it's an odd feeling, to be competitive with people I know and love, and girls who are really sweet that I hope to know, except for the one or two who are not so sweet, those girls I just really want to beat! :P

So that's my speel for today. It's going to be a tough week. Pray for me and Whitfield, he's got about 17 major assignments due this coming week, and I've got homecoming stuff to do, but somehow dinner will be made and the apartment will be clean. Well, clean ISH.

10:34 PM

So here I sit. I originally came to the laptop to look up some study materials for my classes this week. Where do I find myself instead of Blackboard???

Facebook, mostly. Although some smattering of looking at the blogs I keep up with also occurs.

And that's just the way I roll. I get distracted, and I get behind. I forget to do things, and procrastinate, and don't do other things.

This is absolutely one of the many reasons I find myself with this desire. A desire to sit down, read my Bible, and learn something. To not only read for the sake of my "to do list" or to check it off and feel good about myself for the rest of the day. But because I haven't done it on a regular basis, and because I am a Christian, with a true desire to be closer to God, I desire to be in His word.

I find myself at this very moment kicking myself for blogging about this, instead of doing something about it.
I am married to a future pastor, and I don't even read my Bible on a regular basis, I truly am a hypocrite. I am a professing Christian, who talks about missions, and how I can minister, and I don't even minister to my own spirit.

I am in trouble. And I desperately need prayer.

I also need to ensure that my schoolwork doesn't come before the time I should be spending with God.

I think the biggest reason I don't read my Bible is because I'm not really sure how to read in such a way that I get anything out of it.

This year I am president of the Biology Club, and in one of the other clubs I was in last year our president brought a "devotion" at every meeting we had. I want to be that kind of president. The one who doesn't care that half the time I sat there wishing we could "get on with it" or that wants to bring the members of the club to a deeper understanding of how God works in us.

My heart is crying out for God and for His word, and I don't understand why I haven't answered until now.

Hey There Married lady!

Well here it is, my senior year at school! May I just take a moment to say,

WHOOOOO - HOOOO!!!!!

I'm so glad that this phase of my life is almost over!!! But on the other hand, I will miss this time. I seriously cannot believe it is so close to the end.

I will say though I have heard a few things over and over that I am not sure I will ever get tired of...
The first is "Hey married lady!" or some variation of this phrase, and I love answering to this. I never get tired of people congratulating me, or asking to see my RINGS, and I'm so glad that I am married and can show people how blessed me and my wonderful husband are!

And most of the time, after I hear "hey married lady!" It is followed by "How's married life?"
Whitfield typically gives the answer of "Way better than the single life!" Which is absolutely true, I typically give a little bit more detailed answer, but here's the whole story....

Married life is AMAZING. It's not always fun and games, but the honest truth is that I love it completely and wholeheartedly. I like coming home and putting groceries away, and figuring out the best way to organize our little apartment. I enjoy having someone talk to me while I'm taking a shower, or watching Whitfield gargle mouthwash and try not to laugh at the dog so he doesn't spit everywhere. I can't wait for Whitfield to come home so I can tackle him with kisses, and tell him all about my day, and show him what I've cooked for him.
I will say, Whitfield is my best friend in the whole world. He and I joke around and laugh together and pick on each other. Just today he was taking a shower and I leaned in for a kiss, and he grabbed me around the waist (soaking wet) and kissed me, getting my whole face and shirt wet in the process. And I laughed after pestering him back!
I seriously can't believe that I have found him. My husband. The man whose rib God placed in me. Just the way our humor matches, and how he makes me smile in a way no one else does. The special smile he only smiles for me, the way he will leave his hair product-free because I like it better that way. I just love all of it.

Although with every good thing there are bad things too, and there are parts of married life I don't like. Dealing with bills, washing dishes, cleaning the apartment, all things I don't always enjoy. But compared to the joy of being one flesh with the man I was made for, they are minuscule sad points.

So for anyone who asks me "how's married life?" There's your answer!

and you take me the way I am....

I have been thinking about this all night, because last night was kind of rough.

Here's the gist of it, Whitfield and I have been married three months now, and I still have thank you's to get out. I know I'm a slacker, and I have never said otherwise! Whitfield and I were invited to a family gathering at his granny's house and I haven't yet given her the thank you I owe her. Now Granny is a classic southern belle, and very concerned with etiquette. So I am not in her favor right now, and she let me know it. The whole evening was very tense and I left feeling like a complete loser.

I came home and being the emotional person that I am, I sat in Whitfield's arms and cried.

Whitfield and I had some really good talking time, and he cheered me up by being his sweet goofy self (which I love). After that we watched a TV show or two and then went to bed, where we talked about a few issues and sensitivities I'd been feeling.

My darling husband made me cry some more with his amazing level of understanding. He listened, he hugged me, he told me the things I wanted to know, and not just the things I wanted to hear. He is not a typical man, and I love him more than I could ever express.
And as I went to sleep, and even when I woke up this morning, I had a song stuck in my head.
It is called "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michelson. A simple, sweet song, whose chorus changes, but the end chorus is this;

"I love you more than I could ever promise,
And you take me the way I am"

This just struck me last night as I was almost asleep because I don't deserve someone to love me, to listen to me, to be my shoulder to cry on. I have days where everything is golden, but there are also many days when I get angry for no true reason. I am hormonal (simply because I am a woman) and I have days when I get a little depressed. Whitfield takes me the way I am. He loves me when I am upset, or mad, when I feel depressed, when I don't make any sense. He loves me when I am crazy, and goofy, and laughing up a storm. Whitfield obviously expects some things from me, but at the same time he doesn't ask for much. He shows me that I am loved just the way I am, and it really reminds me that Whitfield is the example of a greater love for me.

See, I am accepted by a Higher Power. Not some vague, enigma of a spiritual being, but a God who is my Father, who has been there for me when I needed Him. Who listens to me, who helps me and who loves me. He wants me to love Him, to be His. He desperately desires to be my lover, to be my soul's fulfillment, and not only does He do all that, but He has blessed me with a living, breathing example of His love and acceptance here on earth.

I can't even begin to explain the affect the last three months have had on me. Being married to Whitfield has been the best and most enlightening experience of my life and I can't wait to see how much the next 75+ years will go by (Whitfield and I are shooting for at least our 75th wedding anniversary, it's one of our little jokes :)

I love him. More than I think he could know.

Reflections on my Summer

As the title suggests, I have some things to say.

Reflect back to the confessions blog.
I told Whitfield about how I was feeling, because I want our marriage to be an awesome and honest relationship, and talking is a big part of that.

My husband is a very smart, and wise man. He pointed out that being from a large family (six kids, although the youngest two weren't born when I was growing up), I am used to being around people and after growing up with so much going on, I've become a very social person. I knew I was a social butterfly, but I never thought of it like that.

This being the first summer that I haven't taken summer school, and my best friend being away in Montana all summer, I've missed the people I've gotten so close to, and being around people in general. Don't get me wrong, this summer being just me and Whitfield has been amazing! Just the two of us learning how to be married and together is really a great experience!
But I miss everyone else. It kinda sounds bad to me, and I know that after college is over, I'll have to deal with all these feelings again, but I am kind of thankful that I have this last school year to put it off.

So the summer being married. Wow. There has been so much that I have vastly enjoyed, besides the obvious ;) I love getting to fall asleep next to the man I love. Sometimes I don't really like to, but in the end, I like to cook dinner for him, and even clean or wash dishes. He is a great husband, complimenting my cooking, and thanking me for cleaning.
Basically, I'm a spoiled rotten wife! He's absolutely amazing. When I wake up in my sweatpants and his undershirt, he welcomes me to the day by kissing me on the lips or cheek and saying "good morning, beautiful!"
There is nothing that I care about more than that wonderful, handsome, kindhearted, adorable man. I can't believe I've been blessed so immensely to have him in my life. I'm more thankful for him every single day that I get to spend with him. I honestly can't rave about him enough!

I am glad that I spent the summer alone with Whitfield. It helped us learn a lot about our new life together.
It also has taught me a lot about things I need to work out in myself.
All in all, it has been a very enlightening summer!

Goals for Senior year!

This blog is mainly so that I can get my ideas and goals for my last year of my undergrad at NGU out there to hold me accountable.
I'm stoked to be going into my senior year for many, many reasons, so here goes a few!
1) I'M ALMOST DONE WITH COLLEGE!!!!
2) I get to be the President of the Biology club!
3) New classes, new professors!
4) I get to be back with all my friends!

So here come the goals. Most of them have to do with numbers 2, 3, and 4. :)

I have a lot of plans for the Biology club. I have been an involved member for the last two years (although I did buy a t-shirt the first year), and I am so excited about being the president. I appreciate being a leader, and I really relish the chance to get to bring some new ideas and stuff to the floor.
The first thing I'd really like to do is to start out the meetings with a "devotion" and prayer. It always has been opened with prayer, but not always with a devotion. I don't really like the word "devotion" because everyone thinks some little dinky cliche "do your best for Jesus" speech, but I really want to bring something deeper to the group. That is the biggest goal I have. I have been praying about what to bring for the first meeting especially because I don't want it to be cliche.

New classes; I have always had goals for every new semester, mostly because of my grades. I tend to be scraping the 3.0 line and I'm a pretty solid B student, and this year (being my last), I want to be an A student. I want to prove to myself that I can do this and I want to know more, and be a more knowledgeable person and to well-prepared for the next step in my life aka grad school!!!

And the last goal has a little bit to do with number 2 and 4.
I want to meet new people, but most of all, I want to cultivate my friendships.
I have missed my friends this summer, for many reasons (which are going to be described in a new blog), and I don't want to be a simple blip in someone's life. I have many friends, but mostly I want to get to know the people I do know, a lot better. I want to be closer, and to stay connected with people after we graduate. I don't want to forget, and I want to be a better friend.

But the most important goal of all, is that I want to get closer to God. I feel a little like Paul in that I know the things I should do, and I don't do them. I can't say for sure, but I'm pretty sure Paul felt like dirt when he didn't obey God just like I do.
I want to be remembered for something. And if I can pick why, I don't want to be remembered for being a B student, or for being the bio club president. I don't want to be the girl who was married her senior year, or anything else.
I want to be remembered for being a Christian. For loving God and showing it by how much I loved people.

So those are my main goals.
Out there for the world to see, and for me to live up to. Be praying for me if you get the chance, I'm definitely not sure how this year is going to turn out... :)

Confession time

I have something to admit. It's not something that I like to talk about and honestly I wish it wasn't true, but here it is. Don't get yourself all worked up though, to most people it's probably no big deal!

Whitfield and I had been talking about getting married for a while before we were actually engaged, so we had a lot of the major things worked out already. Even the timing of when our wedding would be was tentatively decided. It was planned in a few days shy of three months and on the actual day of, and the weeks thereafter, I was thrilled with everything, and the way it had happened.

Now, after two months, I'm having issues coming to grips with the fact that it is over and I can't change any of it.
I have seen pictures from several other weddings and I keep thinking of things I would have changed had I known and I'm thinking to myself now was the whole 3 month engagement the right way to go?
No doubts about Whitfield or about getting married to him whatsoever. It's just that this was the one day in my life that I'd dreamed about since I was little, and I am wondering if I did it all right.
I feel sad that I've built up that one day so much and now it's over.
I have to pin the nail on the head and say that I am jealous of some of the other weddings I've been to. They had a larger budget so they could have a nicer reception, or better food, or they were more organized, or they had pics I wish I'd taken, and I HATE it. Even worse, I feel jealous of other newlywed couples who have more money than us and can do things like go to the beach, or simply have their own home.
I feel hypocritical and like I've let Whitfield down for feeling this way. Even worse, I feel like I've let God down. And I would like to apologize.
If anyone reads my blog, please pray that I get over this. And that I remember the joy and ecstasy of my wedding day every time I feel this way. I love my husband with all that I have and I wouldn't trade marrying him for anything in this whole world. I just have days when I forget the wonderful wedding I had, and the blessings God has given us and I feel down.
And I just need to stop.

Thank you for listening, to whoever is out there.

the beginning of my married life

So here I am, months and months since I have posted. "I'm going to try to be better about this" lol. That certainly didn't happen! But oh well I'm here now!
I'm MARRIED!!!! How crazy is that?! Whitfield asked me to marry him on the 12th of February and we got married on the 8th of May, not even three months from the engagement date!
It was a beautiful wedding and everything I could have imagined and I am having the time of my life being married to the man of my dreams!
Whitfield is everything I've ever wanted, and he is so supportive and understanding. He is a great leader and he is honest and strong.
So enough of all that mushy stuff, here's some details.
One of my friends asked if Whit and I had somewhere to live and offered to let us rent a small trailer less than 5 miles from both my parents' house and our school, for an excellent price, with one small catch, it was to be renovated. It isn't finished yet, but we've been living in a renovated garage apartment which is TINY. We've made it pretty comfy, and are enjoying being together but both of us and our landlord cannot wait for the trailer to be finished! It's got some drywall to go up, painting to be done, and carpet to be put down and then we can move in!!!
Until then, we're truly grateful for a roof over our heads. Although the inch-long scorpions, HUGE spiders, and bugs are driving me insane....
But we have a bathroom, a kitchen with a stovetop for cooking, a fantastic window A/C unit, and enough space for the few furniture items we have.
And we get to be together! Which is the best part!
I've got a part-time job with a friend of the family cleaning HUGE houses in a fancy neighborhood and Whitfield has been blessed at his work with lots of hours and good sales (he works at Radioshack).
WE HAVE BEEN SO BLESSED BY GOD and that is the bottom line. God has provided us with a roof over our heads, enough work and money to put some away and pay our bills, and a great support system of family and friends who keep up with us and help us out if we need it!
I'm so very grateful.

So some more recent news, I am cooking pretty much every night and enjoying it! I've got some good meals under my belt and have only burned one dish! Which Whitfield was gracious enough to eat anyway and told me it wasn't that bad. What a sweetheart:)
Today we sat and watched some netflix over the xbox 360 hooked up to wifi, and then Whit went to work. While he was gone, I washed the dishes and started watching season 4 of The Hills, which is one of my new favorite shows! I don't really know why I like it so much, but I do.
And then I went out for a run with Whit and my puppy Penny! She's a Jack Russell Terrier mix we rescued from the local shelter about three weeks ago, and I figured she'd appreciate getting some energy out!
It was fun and I liked getting to work out again. I have missed it!

And so that is what is going on right now!

Updates, and new year's stuff

Okay, okay, so it has been 5 months since I joined and posted my first blog. I am going to try to be better about this so that at least I have some record of what went on this year, and so that the few who read this won't forget about me.

So, first of all updates!
I'm still in college! I completed my junior year last semester and I'm actually a senior now according to my credits. This doesn't really mean much because I still have this semester and two more left before I graduate, although being listed as a senior does mean that I am allowed to register early for classes which means I get first pick!
I am also still with my wonderful boyfriend of 16 months, Whitfield who is so immensely sweet to me and I am grateful for his presence in my life.

Which leads me to the new year's stuff. Or, more accurately, reflections of last year....
in December of 2008, Whit told me he loved me for the very first time, and as 2009 progressed, I learned what it truly means to love and be loved in return
You might need a little bit more backstory for this to be completely understood.
I have only told one other boy that I loved him, and a year later, I realized I had lied to tell him that. Therefore I was slightly reluctant to say the L-word to someone else. Whit and I had an inside joke that we'd say before "I love you" was appropriate, we'd tell eachother "I love your face." The Saturday before school let out, we were saying our goodnights and as I looked at him, I knew that he was incredibly special to me and that I hadn't felt like this with anyone else and I knew, KNEW for a FACT that I loved the man in front of me. Well, Whit noticed my face screaming I LOVE YOU and asked me what the look was for, to which I replied, "I just love... your face" because it is a "rule" somewhere that if you are the first to say "I love you," he'll just say it to make you happy.
The next day he asked me what I really wanted to say when I gave him that look and after discussing it without saying the words all day, we met up that night and exchanged I love you's for the first time of many.
In 2009, I have been blessed to have observed God's love for me in the way I feel about Whit and in the ways he's shown me he loves me. It is sappy, I know, but bear with me for a few minutes as I extrapolate.
In many ways 2009 was difficult, I experienced some of the hardest classes of my college life, went through a lot of friend drama, and learned things about the ones I love that I didn't like. I had to figure out how to process and deal with all these situations and many others, and through all of them, Whit was there for me.
On one particular night, I found out a few things about Whitfield's past that I really didn't want to hear, and I was disappointed and hurt (he has done nothing against me, these were things that occurred before we began dating). I was alone in my room and even though I was disappointed in him, he was the only person I wanted to comfort me. And although we both had early classes and this happened late at night, he came when I asked him to and stayed with me for two hours while we talked it out.
As any college student will tell you, there are always awful days when nothing goes right and every test you take, it seems like you have failed and all you want to do is quit, or for me, cry and then quit. On the days when I was stressed, or angry at life, or disappointed in my grades, or just needed someone, Whitfield was the first person I'd think to call because I knew he'd always be there for me. He sat with me while I studied, and listened to me patiently while I vented.
After being the recipient of such dedicated love, I have only one very simple yet extremely difficult response; to love whole heartedly in return.
This proved to be difficult as I started the fall semester and spent 10 days at my school for Student Services staff training, without my core group of friends, including Whit. I knew a few others there but I still felt the most lonely I have ever felt. I went through the temptation of allowing other males' affections go far enough for one person to be mistaken as my boyfriend. I had to admit this and other shortcomings to Whitfield as I wanted to be honest and open with him, and I had to endure his disappointment in me.
It definitely wasn't all bad though. I also got to enjoy some extremely great days with Whitfield. He took me to the beach for my birthday, and packed a lunch, brought us something to drink and took care of anything I needed.
When I was up late studying and became very hungry, Whit went to walmart for me and brought me something to eat and drink.
He's encouraged me, comforted me, stood by me, been jealous over me, and has become my closest friend and my only human love.
And although Whitfield's love is NOWHERE close to the perfect, wholehearted, insane love of God, it has been the closest example I've ever had, and it has opened my eyes to what God's love truly is.
He loves us. He LOVES us. HE loves US. Has that concept ever thoroughly penetrated our heads? His love will never disappoint, never fail, never end. His love does not change, does not remember faults committed and forgives, TRULY forgives every wrongdoing. His love is overpowering, all-encompassing, and it never leaves us. He is the ultimate comforter, the strongest protector, and the best lover your soul will ever experience. He will never cheat on you, never hurt you, and never let you down. He'll never forget you, He's passionate about you, and He wants to spend all the time He can get with you.
And this isn't some wimpy, lonely, desperately lame God. This is the God who created BILLIONS of galaxies, who made your body in its immense complexity. This is the One who sent His only Son to die for you. Think about that. Think about the purest, closest relationship you have with someone, your best friend, or your boyfriend, your mom or dad. Consider them telling you that they have given everything they own for you to be alive.
Yeah. It's a heavy, saddening thought. You might have stopped them if you could have, told them you aren't worth it, or don't need their help. But it's too late. They have nothing, and you have it all.
God is similar to that, except that He didn't have to give His Son for you. He does not require your companionship, your affection, or your life. He is complete without anything you can give Him.
He desires a relationship with you. He wants you to want Him. To have the most complete, closest, truest relationship with the only Thing that could ever completely satisfy you. Consider that thought. COMPLETE SATISFACTION. He can do that.
What would you do for that friend who gave up everything they had for your life? Would you love them in return? Would you sacrifice your time, your desires, your needs for them? Would you tell others about this incredible feat of love?
God is that friend.

introduction

Hello, my name is Amie.
I am a junior in college at a Christian university in South Carolina, in the heart of the Bible belt.
I believe that Jesus Christ is the one and only Son of God and that He gave His life for me approximately 2000 years ago. I believe that His redeeming blood is the only thing that has saved my heart and that God the Father still interacts and speaks to His children today.
I have an amazing boyfriend,Whit, whom I have just celebrated dating for an entire year. And I am truly sure that he is the man for me. He is my best friend, my confidante, and an immense comfort and reliever of my stress. He isn't perfect, but he is perfect for me and I love him immensely.
I have an AWESOME group of friends from college, from church and from everywhere in between!
I was homeschooled for 12 years, although I took some college classes my junior year of high school. I have been told that I don't seem like I'm homeschooled, which I have taken as a complement!
I am studying Biology at my school, in the hopes of becoming a Physician's Assistant after a complete Grad school.
I have a wonderful family of 7, 2 sisters, 3 brothers and my two parents. I miss them when I'm at school even though they live less than 10 miles away.
My dad gets frustrated when I don't come home on weekends, and my mom misses me, but understands that I have studying and homework which won't get done as easily at my house with a 3 year old and a 1 year old playing and being silly.
I love my family to pieces and I'm sure that leaving town for grad school after senior year is going to be the hardest thing I've ever experienced.
I have many jobs and extra-curricular activities on campus, including VP of the Biology Club, a part time work-study job with the science department, a second part time job with Student Services, tutoring, and a student group with admissions that keeps prospective students overnight and gives tours and such.
So welcome to my busy life! I love almost every minute of it!